He Makes All Things Good!

I know how I used to feel when people would tell me, “Oh just wait on God’s timing” or“God is in control.”  These sayings would make me smile outwardly to the person giving the advice but inside I would be incredibly frustrated.   I am a control freak and I like to plan. I saw other people getting jobs or having children but it was not working out in my life.  I remember being angry, then I would feel guilty for being angry.  I remember thinking, “Well that person made bad choices in that area of their life and I didn’t so why do they get the blessing?”  It was a cycle of very unhealthy thinking, expectation and frustration. I am grateful only by God’s grace and patience with me have I learned a very important lesson.  His timing is perfect!   Thankfully, this is an area of my life which God has greatly worked on over the years!   However, the reality is for many of us we want it our way because we really think we know best.  

We also hate to wait for things.  Our Western World in some ways has truly ruined us because we expect to receive immediate delivery on our every wish.  Think about it.  If we are hungry we drive to the nearest fast food place and we can request exactly what we want down to how many pickles we’d like on our deluxe hamburger!  Ordering coffee can require a 15 second explanation.  Or maybe you are planning a vacation or a home remodeling project. CHOICES, OPTIONS, IDEAS... seem to be endless! I love shoes, and shopping for them brings me great joy.  Yet I have the hardest time finding black shoes because there are simply too many choices.  Please don’t get me wrong - I love options and it’s a privilege to be given variety.  But I think we expect it in every aspect of our lives.  We also expect to have our wants immediately and to have them exactly like our expectations. The truth is God doesn’t work in our timeframe.  He sees a much bigger picture and sometimes what we want is honestly not His best for us.   And sometimes God waits to answer when all other options are gone because the option he wants for us wasn’t in our plan.

I remember when I was so eager to get my first teaching job.  I had some interviews and it just wasn’t working out the way I was hoping.  I was so disappointed and frustrated that God was not opening doors for me.  I knew He had called me into teaching and I knew I was gifted in this area.   However, God knew I was going to meet the love of my life in a different county.   God did not immediately open up a teaching job for me but He did open up a Teaching Assistant job working with an autistic kindergarten child.  It was an amazing experience and I grew so much.  I also met a forever friend.  

Eventually, a full time teaching job opened up mid year in another school district.  It was a first grade job in a beautiful turn key room.  I remember going in on a Saturday with my family and the principal came in and we prayed in my classroom.  Now THAT is God’s timing and His perfect plan.  I am grateful to work in such a beautiful building, with incredibly special people, partnering with excellent families and teaching students who all hold a special place in my heart. I know God wanted me there. 

Then there came the season of infertility and I desperately longed for a baby.  I just could not understand why so many people around me were having children and we were not conceiving.  I remember pleading with God to become pregnant.  I wondered if I had done something wrong and that is why He was not answering my request. After fertility testing our specialist recommended IVF, but we were not sure that was the right path for us.  

We contacted an adoption agency and started getting information.  The process, the wait and cost beyond overwhelmed me.  I kept asking, “God why do we have to prove we can be good parents?” or “God why do we have to pay to have children?” At this point I was desperate and I heard a sermon on fasting.  My husband and I started a fast in January 2009.  We did a Daniel Fast for 21 Days where we only ate fruits and vegetables.  God spoke to us during our Fast and lead in a direction we had never even imagined.  We were to use donated embryos (ones that remained from IVF cycles) to start our family.  

Our first open arrangement (meaning there would be some sort of communication through an intermediary) was not the best fit for Mike and me. So in haste we quickly selected a closed agreement (complete anonymity) and picked another group of embryos.  I panicked because I had already been on the medication getting ready for a transfer.  I felt it was God’s will for us to have an open agreement.  Yet I so desperately wanted to be pregnant.  As it turned out the transfer was not successful and we lost all the embryos.  However, we tried again for another open agreement and we were matched with another family.  This transfer was a success and each vial we have used has had life in it!  We now have three amazing children who are all genetic siblings.  They are our miracles.  The twins were“frozen” for 14 years before they were thawed.  And our Lil Miss was “frozen” for 16 years!  We do not doubt at all God has big plans for them.  We know He destined them to be Quimbys.  We have already seen how their lives have impacted His Kingdom.  (My pregnancies are their own stories and so are my sweet littles but those are for other blog posts).

I see a bigger picture now.  Do I still remember desperately wanting that teaching job or crying, begging God to become pregnant?  Absolutely!  But, I also know His plans are better than mine.  It sure would have been easier to get that teaching job and become pregnant right away.  However, I would not have grown my faith muscles the way I have.  I would not be able to sympathize with other men and women facing infertility struggles. I would not have the passion for embryo donation like I do. I would not have gotten the job in the county where I was to meet my future spouse.  Romans 8:28 is one of my life verses!  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”    Please note that it states ALL THINGS!   That means the tiniest to the biggest things.  

Truth be told, I do not know what is really best for me.  I need God because without Him I am lost.  I believe in His Word.  And if He says He will work all things for the good of those who love him, then I am going to trust that.  And in all things that even means the bad things or the ugly things.  I have seen first hand how the messy parts of my life have become abundant blessings to others and even to me.  I have seen God work in circumstances where I had no hope.  I have seen Him create opportunities out of nowhere.  I have seen him save things which are so important and precious but they have to wait for the perfect time to arrive. I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father who takes it all and makes it so very good.