Surrendering in the World of Addiction

On April 30th Jen and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.  It was a great day, starting with worship at church, followed by a delicious meal with friends, and ended with the kids’ first viewing of Mary Poppins. It was a memorable day for sure.

Today is a very memorable day as well, though for a different reason.  Today marks a very dark day in my life.  That’s because 3 years ago today I found myself riding in an ambulance to our local hospital.  My brain was struggling to function as I had quit drinking cold turkey, which it turns out is a really dumb thing to do when you are chemically dependent on alcohol.

In many ways I wish it wasn’t so memorable.  I wished I could forget the feeling of the fireman holding me up and splashing my face with water.  I wish I could forget looking out the ambulance window only to see the furniture truck that had just arrived to deliver my sons’ first “big boy” beds.  I wish I didn't remember many things that day…

I’m not sure how many other people in my situation feel when this annual date comes around, but I don’t like it.  At first glance it’s a painful reminder of the embarrassment I thrust upon my family and friends, my church and myself.  And it’s a reminder of the wedge I had driven between Jen and me.  I had nearly thrown away the most important earthly relationship one can imagine…All because of my addiction.

While I was in rehab

Mother's Day 2014 

More fun while I was away...

But that’s what addiction does.  Addiction becomes our God.  Whatever we are addicted to becomes the all in all, the most important thing - at the expense of everything else.  People often say, “Why don’t people addicted to drugs or alcohol just stop?”  I understand why they say that, and maybe those reading this blog fall into that school of thought.  As a Christian in full-time worship ministry, how could I possibly slip to the point of being controlled by a substance?  

I don’t mind those questions, not that I have ever been approached by anyone brave enough to ask me that last one.  The reason I don’t mind is because I now know the answer:  I wasn’t living a surrendered life.

Living a surrendered life means that you not only listen to God and His Word, but you trust what He says.  It means you take James 5:16 seriously: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”  Living a surrendered life means you put into practice the words of Paul in Romans when he wrote, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” (Romans 12:2).  

But it is difficult, if not impossible, to do those things when you hole up and live an isolated life. That’s because we weren’t meant to do life alone!  We were designed to live in community with others, so that when something goes wrong we can rely on others to pray for, encourage, and correct us.  The reason we don’t do that is because we are afraid of what others will think.  We get bogged down with the wrong thinking that goes something like this:  “What if someone finds out I’m ________?  Go ahead and fill in the blank.  Lying. Stealing. Cheating. Binge Eating.  Watching pornography. Filled with fear. Smoking. Drinking. Involved in an immoral relationship. Abusing Pain killers. Using illegal drugs. Gossiping. Having an affair. The list goes on and on…

The problem with that kind of thinking is that we will never break free while isolated.  We need others.  Others who will not judge, but who will remind us that we are created by God, “in His image.”  I encourage anyone and everyone to be part of a Christian community.  Find one that welcomes broken, hurting people.  Find one where you are reminded of the future God has for you instead of your past. There are strong faith communities everywhere you look. If you can’t find one where you live, then I will help you. All you have to do is ask.  You can email me at quimby@jenandmikeq.com.   

I mentioned earlier that I wished that dark day in 2014 wasn’t so memorable. In some ways that is still true.  However, the further I get from that date, the more grateful I become that God continues to heal and restore my life in ways that I never imagined.  My marriage is getting stronger and stronger every day.  I’m always connected to those who are struggling and I’m in a place where I can point them to the source of ultimate healing - the healing that comes when you let Jesus into your life.

If you feel trapped and are willing to consider a way out, then I invite you to pray this prayer:

“Dear God.  My life is a mess and I need help.  I can’t live it on my own.  I confess to you that (insert addition, behavior, etc. here) has taken over my life.  I’m sorry, and I want to live for the greater purpose for which You have created me. Help me find a trustworthy person to share with and a church where I will be welcomed in my brokenness, so that I can be healed as the Bible says.  Help me to trust in Your Son, Jesus, as the Leader of my life and the Forgiver of my sins. Thank You God for hearing my prayer and for what You will do in me.” 

If you prayed that prayer, let Jen and me know as we would love to pray for you and encourage you in your new start!  

I’ll close with one of my favorite verses: Lamentations 3:22-23 “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”